I’m dying to live
And living to die
I die a little bit each day longing for you
I live each day without you to save myself from you
I love you so much it breaks my heart
I hate you so much for breaking my heart
I compose long messages to you to express my feelings
I erase long messages to you to protect my feelings
I try to imagine life without you for the long haul
I try to imagine life with you for the long haul
I wonder how could you possibly just leave me like this
I wonder why I’m shocked you just left me like this
I long to hear your voice
I am afraid to hear your voice
Your lies
My cries
Six years
More tears
Dope gone (drugs)
Dope gone (you)
Hope gone
Hope strong
Faith-FULL that you aren’t truly a cocky selfish crack addicted asshole
Faith-LESS that you tricked me once again, that every word, every glance was a well thought out lie
Why can’t you love me enough, love US enough, love us enough to stop being a knucklehead?
How dare you throw away our future without my consent?
How dare you destroy the manifestation of prayers prayed for years in the matter of one night?
How can you be okay? Are you really heartless, cold and cruel?
You said once it would be better if you died - this rings in my mind daily
How much easier it would be to mourn your death instead of mourning the fact that you just don’t care enough
An entire lifetime ruined
Only you can fix it
Only you can do it
And what hurts even more is that I know that you already know that and still…..you…..do……nothing but remain as you have always been-a seemingly strong man too often taking the easy route, refusing to fight to live, choosing instead to kill yourself slowly while pulling the proverbial trigger on me with each passing second….over and over and over again
You said if you were forced to choose between changing and losing me you would…..but….
You said you love me…loved me
You said
You said
You said
Still…..you choose to repeatedly do the opposite
Your cocky self does wonder……is she still losing weight? B$&);/ YES
Is she with another man? B;&$)@ HELL NAW
Is she still wearing the ring? B$@)( YES
Is she still waiting for me to call and reconcile? Unfortunately B)&@$) YES
I think to myself if I could turn back the hands of time I would have never made that call on July 31,2016
Then my heart breaks all over again imagining never having known such love and passion and connection that only came from my king
Comments