THIS is the epitome of Real Life Recovery & Resilience on a tough day- when you know you will be better tomorrow but choose to share boldly regardless because you have to! For me there is no other option but to RECOVER BOLDLY!
(Just wrote this. Excuse any grammatical errors. Standing up and sharing boldly is not and can not only be done during happy times. I hope this helps someone somewhere someday give life another try..... )
"Mother, Interrupted"
lived & written by ME-Charisse Donielle Parker
If in the end you win
Does that take away all the pain
Heartbroken for years
Awaiting the eventual gain
Falling in love with a man
Had so much appeal
Until realizing RISING in love
With my babies was so much more real
Now babies no more
That's what everyone tells me
Yet somehow in my heart
My babies they will forever be
Now back to the topic
Of "Mother, Interrupted"
Which was the result of
A sweet girl being corrupted
Not in the way you assume
Instead in ways most dismiss
Caused by deep rooted wounds
Not easily healed with a kiss
Married to a man
I loved oh so much
Unaware what was in store
But that subject I'll leave untouched
It is not about him
It is about how I feel
Though it is a fact that we feel
Yet feelings are not always real
There have been times
I felt as if I would die
Because of the intense pain
Of missing my four little guys
Not to mention how painful
Each moment in this world
That I spent separated
From my only baby girl
Now reunited after years apart
Or so it would seem
Still things didn't turn out
The way I had dreamed
Too often kids regardless of their age
Really do not understand
The unconditional love
That 9 months before birth began
Or how it continues
To grow more and more
Long after you walk out
Of the hospital door
Arriving home finally
With your precious little baby
Gazing at them lovingly
No if ands or maybes
As time goes on
You get sidetracked by life
The next thing you know
You're filled with sadness and strife
Caught up in a darkness
That consumes who you are
This unfortunately diverts your attention
From your bright priceless star
Trying to ease the pain
That you daily now feel
You think drinking or drugging
Will be no big deal
Masking the pain
Wanting to be numb
Then jerked back to reality
Why has DHR come?
Now your babies are gone
What in the world can you do
Plans to take your own life
End it all- just be through
But somehow the voice of God
Quiets your fears
By HIS grace and mercy
You make it 5 then 10, 15 years
Redeemed by HIS love for you
Clean and sober for years
Still missing your babies
Reminiscing fighting back tears
They are all grown now
And grandkids fill your bed
Still while you're grateful
Old memories fill your head
Closing your eyes
Seeing clearly so many years ago
Then a tiny hand touches your cheek
And you open your eyes real slow
I thought it was one of my sweet babies
Thought it only a dream
Instead it was my grandchild
Bright eyes that always gleam
I can not get a do over
Of when I was considered a ne'er- do-well
I have been blessed with a new chapter though
So my story I must tell
So if you are a mother
Considering drinking your pain away
Trust and believe me
Feel and not only read what I have to say
Get whatever help you need
So your babies are never lost
By any means necessary
If not there's too high of a cost
Trust in God and believe
That by faith all will be alright
Never give up on your children
Forever hold them tight
No matter what anyone else
May think or do or say
At the end of your time on earth
Your children will miss you each day
Pray to God and He will help
To rebuild what you have lost
No longer a Mother, Interrupted
Because JESUS paid the cost
I only had to receive it
The love HE died to give
Only because of HIM
Am I able to share boldly why I live
Despite the years of tremendous pain
And not knowing what would go wrong next
I am now at peace
Because my broken heart God did fix
My childrens hearts are better too
Today they all can smile
Despite the trials and tribulations
Or being separated by many miles
They know their Moma loves them
Not just because I say so
They know it as they always have
For they have watched me grow
They have seen me overcome
As in Romans 8:28
So if you are struggling
Know it is never too late
Prove all of the naysayers wrong
And the messy gossips too
Allow God to do His thing
Shine bright as true super stars do
(Photo courtesy of Verne Ho)
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