The Ultimate Cost and His Supreme Sacrifice
As a person in long-term recovery, there are many things I have lost since 2006 when I became addicted to the demon known as crack cocaine. As an individual who lives daily overcoming mental health challenges, there are many things I have allowed to slip from my grasp during times of emotional instability. As the proud mother of five children, there are many seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks and years that I missed after being naively unaware in that moment that I was throwing away the seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks and years spent as a loving, doting, stay at home mother for the label of drug addict and unfit mother. As a daughter, there are many memories I missed and pain caused to those who sacrificed their lives for mine. As a devout follower of Christ, there were friendships ruined, severed beyond repair. Only by the love, grace and mercy of God am I here today, boldly declaring that what satan meant for my bad- what was meant to end my relationships with my children, what was meant to end my life, what was meant to cause my testimony to be null and void, what was meant to lead me to eternal damnation after experiencing Gods mighty hand upon my life from the moment I was conceived, what was meant to permanently discredit me- what was meant to take away the spirit and anointing of God over my life- what was formed from the pits of hell to destroy me DID NOT PROSPER! Instead, I have an unquenchable desire to shed light on the darkness that exists in this world as it relates to drug addiction, mental health stigma and the lack of understanding surrounding true unconditional love, forgiveness and my Lord and Savior Jesus the Christ!
How can I talk to my children, all five of them daily- years after being separated physically but with the blessing of never, ever being separated spiritually because of our love for one another? How can my dearly beloved Mother continue to be my biggest cheerleader, supporter, encourager and voice of reason? How can I lose a job for two no call, no shows due to drug relapse only to not only regain a position with that same company but as the coordinator of said program? How can I be as confident, compassionate and exquisite as I am despite pain that would have in the past caused me to see suicide of suicidal ideation as the only viable option? How can I still be here, blessed to live yet another day, another year when people I have known and loved who were “better” people than I was are dead and gone? How can I as a servant leader at my church have individuals who others around me would condemn as being in the number of true friends that support me regardless? How? Why? Because of Jesus! How can I genuinely love those who others view as damned to hell? How can I bond with someone who is a member of the LGBTQ+ community? How could I run away from Vestavia Hills seeking love in the mean streets of Ensley in 1994? How could I remain in Europe after separating from my husband? How can I dare post pictures of myself in a doped up, screwed up state on Facebook for all the world to see? How can I choose daily to keep moving forward? How can a heart that has been broken, crushed and trampled on continue to beat? How can eyes that have shed so many tears remain bright and full of wonder? How can a life that was targeted by the longest running eternal assassin continue even after assassination attempt after assassination attempt? How can someone willfully sin and knowingly commit adultery, fornication and everything in between and be disease-free? How can a woman of color continue to rise above it all time and time again? How indeed? The mythical phoenix has been celebrated for rising from its ashes. The Word of God speaks of being given beauty for ashes. This life is indeed beautiful! I am forever grateful to God for yet another opportunity to be me! The real me! With my sweet, whimsical self🥰 but dare not get it twisted. We all have character defects, flaws, etc. Wd know it! We dwell on them. But in my new season, I purpose to share the other side. I am honest, open-minded, compassionate….I am a woman of African descent……I was not raised in poverty……My parents were followers of Christ and still are……..I never saw a food stamp until 1994 during one of my runaway escapades….I have never doubted the existence of God…. I have never heard either of my parents use a curse word…..I have never had an argument with any of my siblings…….I divorced my three ex-husbands…….I gave all of my children names with meanings-African names…(Africa is a continent by the way-not a country)………I love my children and grandchildren💜💛 I love my family💜💜 I am alive! I purpose to live and love each day! Love! Live! Not merely exist! Live based on God’s ultimate, divine will for MY life as opposed to the puzzled pieced together based on any other fallible human beings preconceived, erroneous notions! I love ❤️ 💚 to rap!!!!🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶 I love being me! Charisse- French for grace…. Which I have been given an abundance of for HIS purpose! So as I proceed, I am vigilant! Purposeful! Purpose driven! Kingdom minded! And just grateful! Tomorrow is not promised to any of us. We plan. We assume. We think. So today and each day that God allows me to live, I will do my very best to share what He has done to me, in me, through me and for me. There is no other option! I truly detest and hate satan with his stupid self. I am free now! Almost four years ago I thought it was just about drugs, substances, sins and sinful things others could see, but today!!!!!! Today I realize there is greater! Not because of me but because of His love for me! Following in the footsteps of the greatest, most compassionate man who ever lived! The creator of everything! The only one who died for my sins! The only one who was there before, during and after! The one who knows my final chapter because He wrote it! Why’s she rapping? Why’s her music bumpin? Why’s she smiling? Why’s she crying? Why is she? Who does she think she is? A child of the Most High💪🏾🙏🏾🙌🏾 I AM GRATEFUL
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